for the anon, am i pretty enough yet?
i am not fake. just fucked up.
i’m going to try to not cut anymore. starting tonight, if you message me i’ll put a heart on my arm and i wont cut for a week per heart. make sure to tell me your name and i’ll post a picture if you want. i’m going to see if this will help me.
i was home alone with my boyfriend (except for his little brother…) it wasn’t about getting physical. it never is for me. i just love being with him. we could have had sex but we don’t. and i’m actually really glad i found a boy who loves me for me. not sex. but yesterday… he did something that almost made me cry on the spot. he was looking at my cuts and kept me from picking at them, then he took my arm and kissed my cuts. i can’t tell you how that made me feel… it was the most perfect thing he has ever done for me. i love this boy… but i almost don’t want to. because sooner or later someone better who doesn’t destroy herself… and i would never get over him. and i can’t ever let him know how much he means to me. because i can’t let him know how hard it is to hate myself in general but when i sit there with my arms all cut up or bleeding that im going to break his heart. to tell him i haven’t eaten for 2 days or skip 2 meals a day. tell him i am bleeding too much. tell him i’ve downed pills. tell him i want to die almost every day. because i’m going to break his heart more and more until he just doesn’t want to put up with it. my heart would die along with the rest of me.